in between the memory lapses

I didn't cry when our boys went to kindergarten. I didn't cry when our boys went to high school. I didn't even cry when our oldest graduated from high school. I think that's why the flood of emotion that washed over me a couple days before we took our oldest to college completely caught me off guard. Even now, as we're back home, the wave swells, tears rise and threaten to spill over. Why now?  I've always known before that he will invariably be home at the end of each day. No longer. Yet. A tiny word filled with purpose. Yet. The tiny word that reminds me why we do what we do. It keeps me focused, goal-oriented, intentional. We raise them to the best of our ability so they can spread their wings and fly away. It's Biblical. “If anyone comes to me but ·does not hate  [ or  loves more than me;  C  Jesus is using hyperbole to emphasize his point]  his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, or sisters—or ...

He looked at me with a light in his eyes. "It's almost gone! Finally." I hated to tell him. "Well, actually there's more in the closet." He wailed, "NOOOOO! When will it ever end!? Please, never again!" It's a failure I will never live down. In fact, I can hear it 20 years from now, "Remember when mom bought...." 1-ply toilet paper. 12 rolls of 1,000 sheets each. Let's back up a little. Well, at least 6 months, anyway. I like to save money. I like to use coupons. For several years, I was a not-quite-extreme couponer; however, I have had to re-prioritize my time, and since I can't even get to the grocery store once a week, coupons have taken a back seat. Because I no longer faithfully use coupons, guilt often overtakes me at the store. I could hear the toilet paper coupons taunting me, the ones I didn't have, and in a weak moment, I did it. I bought the economy-sized, 1-ply toilet paper. ...

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore  keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a  yoke of slavery. ~Galatians 5:1 I remember when the first chain of people-pleasing wrapped itself around me. I was 8 years old and loved to look like a princess. Any floor-length item of clothing qualified as "princess" material, so on that Sunday in 1985, I was wearing a quilted vest, ruffly blouse and maxi skirt (also quilted) to a new church. The first words I heard walking through the double doors were, "Did you forget to change out of your pajamas?" I'm sure it was meant to be funny, but I never wore that outfit again. In fact, that was the last day I dressed to be a princess. My first-born perfectionist qualities, along with a personality that desired to please, brewed into a perfect storm inside an environment that placed a high value on conformity and unquestioning obedience. As time marched on, new chains were added and old ...

You   shall love the   Lord   your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.    And   these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.     You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.   You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.   You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 He was the ultimate church planter. Eleven churches were started either by, or on account of him, and that’s all we’re able to decipher from the records we have. That number could easily be higher. Oh, I’ll also mention that he did this in the Roaring Twenties and throughout the Depression. He started out on a horse and graduated to a Model T. He had no budget to purchase a sound system (not to mention...

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1 In case you didn’t know it, fall has arrived. The earth tilts on its axis and the days shorten, the air grows crisp, leaves change from green to varying hues of red, orange, and yellow, and combines roar through fields of golden-brown corn, stirring up enough dust that your sinuses aren’t sure what hit them, though they know they’re not happy. For those of you who know not what I speak of because of geography, there is also pumpkin spice. I would almost tell you to trust the season of pumpkin spice, for this is what fall has become; but I fear pumpkin spice will go the way of seasonal decorations, as Halloween hangs next to Christmas décor. I rue the day when pumpkin spice is served alongside Derby Day’s mint juleps. It’s as if our seasons are no longer definitive. Our lives have become so hectic and hurried that we live in one jumbled, chaotic season of “Sprumfinter” (springsummerfallw...

Recently, I’ve somewhat been on a purging binge (note that I love a good oxymoron) and going through the many  boxes I have in storage labeled, “Carrie’s Mementos.” I hate to admit that I was on a fast track to be featured on a cable show about people who collect a  lot  of stuff and I’m pretty sure that my “mementos” were the reason we needed U-Haul’s largest truck the last time we moved. I’m currently looking for a chapter of “Sentimentals Anonymous” in my area. So far, I’ve thrown away and condensed about 10 boxes of stuff; mostly college syllabi and graded papers from 20 years ago (my husband has been beyond thrilled to take these with us everywhere we go), but also a baby food jar containing a dirty, melted snowball from a childhood vacation to Yellowstone, my baby teeth (did I think I would reuse them eventually?), every pair of glasses I’ve ever owned and yes, even my braces. I have nothing to say in defense of this. I shake my head now at the ridiculousne...